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Well, just realized my blog is suffering! I have to sleep but will post tomorrow with some happenings from the past month!

May

First, this will probably be long.
I just realized it has been over 2 weeks since my last post! May is already here. I am keeping busy and still not getting done what I should of course.
I have been keeping up and getting really good scores in 2 of my 3 classes at UCC, psychology being the exception. Not that it isn't an interesting class but when time is crunched, I have learned that all before and everything else I am learning is just more useful and interesting, to be blunt.
I have been trying to keep tabs on my Grandma as well, took her to a couple DR appointments to get a feel for what is actually going on. She is doing OK for now and we are now making plans for a very soon return for mom. Meaning I am trying to plan a week in June to fly over an help her, and it looks like I may get to stop for a very quick visit with my dear cousin who has been through hell the last month. I am excited for the whole thing really!

So back to midwifery. I have gotten all the phase 1 emails and such taken care of for AAMI and am working my way through my phase one list to finish the required 15 tasks. I got my Helping Hands workbook from the printer today, only 16 bucks to get it printed and bound, they didn't use the binding I wanted, but oh well, much better than trying to work off the damn computer!

This has all really gotten me thinking. It is amazing. I need to start thinking about my two focuses of study. The subjects I most want to specifically become expert in. One directly birth related, and another related subject. WOW I have run so many things through my head. How do you pick. Do I pick something that will be most useful? Or what I am honestly the most interested in, even if it will not be that commonly encountered? I guess I have a year to really figure that out.
I am about 35 pages into Helping hands and it has already really reaffirmed that I am doing the right thing. I am still feeling a bit guilty in many ways, and not as sure of myself that I will be able to assert myself enough to get through what I need to for my training and educations, but I'm working on it. Goes to show the logical brain and the "reality" brain are not working together too well.

I guess I will try to get some sleep, and maybe be forced to reread this with a clear mind later!

Ahhh, the Weekend

Ever wonder just what a day in the life of Lisa looks like when she is NOT thinking about work, studying, class, or even midwifery, AND she doesn't have the company of her children? .......


......Yes...and don't I have a beautiful world surrounding me? Sometimes it just reminds me that I really should not take advantage of the fact that all this is nearly in my own back yard. How many people can really say that.

April is half gone!

I am so anxiously awaiting an email from AAMI, I hold my breath ever time I check. Goodness!
I know I need to be patient and just wait but it is hard.

I took my first test in Nutrition-Yep, I knew every answer. It is definitely the easy part of the class and it will get harder, but I am not concerned.
This is really an amazing subject. I really have found it to be an interest here and could go forward for more learning on the subject. I would really love to expand beyond this class as I feel the more I could learn, the more details, the better understanding I would have and I strongly believe it is absolutely HUGE in the field of midwifery.
I feel good nutrition in pregnancy can be the biggest key to a healthy mom, baby, and experience as well as making a big difference in breastfeeding as it insures that milk production will be plentiful and nutritious.

So many people take things like medicine for granted. They (including the government-but I don't like to go there) act like our nations problems are with the health care and insurance systems. Frankly it is bull shit. If the people of our nation would take responsibility for their OWN health, their own bodies and what they do to them, then we would not need a fraction of the health care that we need now.
High cholesterol? Diabetes? Digestive problems? Almost all cases can be prevented, avoided and even completely controlled by paying attention to what a person is putting in their body. People are eating highly processed, high fat, high calorie, unnatural foods that the human body was not designed to be subjected to.

So no, we don't need better prescription drug and health care coverage and availability, we need better education on general health and nutrition. This needs to start young and needs to be more available. We also need better regulation on food labeling, as to require honest thorough information. But if we did that, then the Dr. would not have so many patients, the drug companies would not be getting so rich off of limited income people, and the pocket book of Uncle Sam would be a little lighter, but we cant have that.

Happy Easter!!!

Not super exciting but a bit of a break from the everyday normal. Didn't do any studying this weekend until tonight. That may have been a mistake, but oh well!
BBQed with the kids and colored eggs last night. Steve came over, kept me company while I put together Easter baskets, it was nice as we don't have too much time together unless the kids are with dad. It was nice to wake up and have him there on
Easter. Took the kids to their family Easter celebration today as well. Got to visit with people I haven't seen in a long time and now that the kids are older they actually had alot of fun doing the Easter egg hunts and playing with cousins. It was really nice.
I didn't have much for high hopes this holiday, but the weekend really turned out great!

Now to get back to work and start stocking my email for anything from AAMI!

No turning back now

I sent off my AAMI application yesterday afternoon. Including the $2000 down payment and all the information for the payment agreement for the remainder of the balance. Holly crap. That is alot of money, and I feel guilty as all hell.
Seriously, I know I have to do it, that is a student loan and I really need to use it for my education right???

I really need more hours in my life now. I can't seem to keep up. I knew it would be this way. I prepared myself for it, but I'm still tired. It feels good in a way, but right now I just wish my house was clean and I could sleep for a full 8 hours.

But now I am also excited to hear back, I think I better figure out what books to buy first. I need to remember to get ahold of amazon, I am so frustrated, somehow my wish list on their site was lost or delete or something. I had made an entire list on there, took me a long time too!

I better go do something productive!

April

It has been a week since I was on here. I have been studying, and neglecting my housework. I have been feeling guilty because I complain about Drake's soccer schedule. I have been up and down. The sun has come out and gone away. My grandma seems to be doing well, considering she knows she now will live with cancer in one way or another for the rest of her life, no matter how short or long it may be. I have been through a new spell of anger and sadness surrounding the fact that I have a niece only a few miles away, coming up on her 2nd birthday that I don't know, and another niece or nephew on the way that I will not get to hold either. And last but not least, I'm still holding out hope for my Brandi Kat , her DH and little bean.

Ok, now that nonsense rambling that means nothing to most in this world is over, I got all the paperwork to send into AAMI printed off, filled out and Thursday will have the checks ready and in the mail!!!!! AHHHH I cant wait, but know that it is the start of another crazy, time consuming time of my life. I am really struggling with not feeling guilty over it and was hoping these feelings would stay away until I had sent the papers off.

Nutrition, he has us diving into menu planning based on what my Basel Metabolic Rate is. Yep, sick awakening really, I should only be consuming just over 1600 calories a day. WHAT! No wonder I cant drop these damn 20 pounds! This is going to be one of those classes that is just a huge wake up call.

Easter is Sunday, I don't think I will drag the kids out before the sun to go to service. I didn't go last year either. I really hate that. It is my time, I don't go to church. I have my own reasons for that, but I do go to Easter service. It is my time for it, it is all for me. It isn't something I want to do if I am being distracted by everyone around me. That of course leaves another feeling of guilt for not taking the kids as I'm sure they could benefit from it as well. Maybe next year.

I am really in pretty good spirits, even if it doesn't seem so- Excited to see what the rest of spring holds and dive into summer, literally, I cant wait to hit the river!

Spring - Changes

Oh my. What a day. Spent most of it on the phone, do many different kinds of news, from different people filled with different emotions.

Everything seems to be feeding my desires to push forward. To learn, read, learn, and help. I want to show....guide....help, I dont know what the hell it really is. I just want it to happen.

Spring term started yesterday. Online, Psyc 203- going to be work but a good class, Med 111- more of the same-
Human Nutrition--Now thats another story. This is going to be a kick ass class, I am already itching to learn it, I will have to start studying the text as I wont be back in class until next Tuesday and have to get hyped up all over again.

Well, Im going to try to lay down and process some of this roller coaster of a day before I sleep.

Ultrasound During Pregnancy

OK, so. My newest decision in this crazy world of mine. I am really working on getting organized, every bit of my life needs it but right now I'm focusing on organizing my time and that includes studies.

I am going to start researching just one topic at a time. I will continue to have a book to get through, right now being Heart and Hands, but for specific learning I need to do the same thing. I jump around so much! I learn a little of this and a little of that, I know a little about a whole lot of things I have figured out, but I need to focus on one thing at a time. This all may change once I start AAMI, as I'm sure I will be given plenty to focus on then, but for now I am going to start with ultrasound.

Ultrasound has always fascinated me, as it does so many others of course, but in a bit of a different way I think. I even at one time thought I wanted to become an u/s tech. Prior to my discovery of midwifery.

What are we really doing with this great technology? I really do still believe it is great, and has saved plenty of lives when needed. It can tell many things when there is a suspected problem, or a high risk situation. But are we doing good otherwise? There is such a very high rate of false positive with it. Things are seen that really are not there, or not a problem. Today's OBs put so much time into LOOKING for pathology in pregnancy and birth, that they have never learned, or have forgotten about the normal process. I strongly believe that u/s has given them another tool to find that pathology that really isn't a true problem at all.

Take the low lieing placenta. How many women have been told at 20 weeks they will have to have a c-sections because of a "low lieing" placenta? Most cases of this found early in pregnancy actually resolve themselves by the end? Nearly all. And even if it is followed up and found to have moved up as the uterus expanded, the woman and her family have spent the previous months worried, stressing, and preparing to have her normal birth experience taken from her. This is so sad to me.

Even more so my current enquiring mind is questioning the long term effects and safety of this technology on babies. How much information do we have about what these ultrasonic waves are doing to this innocent developing human being. Ever notice how babies squirm away? move and wont hold still while the test is being done? We don't hear it. They do. It is supposed to be VERY loud to them as well. Do they feel it? There is question that permanent damage may be caused by excessive use of use of u/s. This includes doppler for fht. Doppler is actually worse when compared second for second as it is a continuous stream of sound waves, when a picture scan is actually done in pulses. Is this contributing to the ridiculous increase in autism in children today? Hmmmm. I intend to find all I can.

My Baby is 13!

Looking at cousin Brandi's latest 8 week post prompted me to post a little announcment of my own.
My baby is 13 today!!!!! Well, my first baby that is. Thirteen years ago was the most life impacting day I have had yet. I am very thankful for it. I love you Zack.

Heart and Hands (Elizabeth Davis)

This is my current read. I am loving it. (Yes, I am reading my copy, bought from and autographed to me by Liz herself! Yes I am a serious GEEK) I cannot seem to stay in one place. I am so interested to read what she has to say that I keep skipping around. I am trying as of today to start at the beginning.

The more I read, I was reading the chapter on assisting during birth the other day, the more excited I get. The more I want to learn. And learn every bit. I don't even dread cleaning up the messes made. That may change after a couple hundred puddles of blood and amniotic fluid, but right no I'd be happy to follow behind the scene with a bucket of water and towels! Her approach is so real, so caring, and so aware. The balance of clinical-if you call it that- with being absent from the scene. The importance of giving a mother comfort and space. As well as paying attention from that distance and monitoring in a way to be sure all is continuing well. Patience.

Mothers must learn patience too. The medical world has all these women preparing for birth thinking about this clock. The evil clock. Nature has its own damn clock. The healthy baby, and healthy woman will begin labor when it is time. Not when they are told to, or when the woman and her caregivers decide it should be time, but when it is time.

Labor cannot proceed as it should when the mother is not comfortable. The sphincter law makes so much sense. The cervix is a sphincter just as the anus is. A woman is going to open and relax allowing baby to descend, best in a private, familiar, relaxed, intimate setting. The same type of setting she will require to poop. We don't expect women to poop on demand.

How many times have you seen or heard about a laboring woman going into the hospital in early labor, just to have it slow or completely stall out. That labor pattern she was trying to establish has just been completely interfered with. She has been interrupted, poked at, asked questions, and often threatened in one way or another, by total strangers for the first 30 minutes after arriving. Yeah. I don't think this is good for mom or baby. No wonder that baby doesn't want to come into the world surround by such ridiculous chaos.

Ok, I'll stop rambling for now.

Final Grades

OK-grade update for winter term 2009
Chemistry for Health Occ. 112-5 credit hours-A
Medical Terminology 111-3 credit hours-A
Intro to Business 101-4 credit hours-B

Finals are DONE!

Oh I'm glad.
Here is what I know- Business final 78%-about what I expected, not too bad, still not sure about how I will fair as a final grade goes though.
Med terminology- well, I just took that one- part of it i get the score right away, the other she still has to grade, I got 91% on the first part, feel pretty good about the rest, I am pretty sure I will have an A in that class!!!
and last but most important to me right now--Chemistry- final exam scores are posted and I got the 2nd highest grade in the class!!! 94% thats an A!! I really think this gives me an A for the term, this is a 5 credit hour class, thats huge! I am actually proud of myself.

SO now I have over a week with NO classes to be doing homework and studying for. What will I do with myself??

Midwifery Today Conference 2009

I think I am finally feeling well enough to write about this wonderful opportunity that I had.
I attended one day of the 2007 conference and have looked forward to the next one ever since. Due mostly to work, and a little to my kiddos, I was able to attend just 3 days this time, but it was amazing!! There is nothing more powerful than a whole conference room full of midwives, student midwives wishing to carry on an age old tradition, and so many other worlds of women who have a passion for normal, positive birth. The affects of the birth process and experience are soooo strong and important for both women and babies. And this doesn't just mean the hours of birth itself, but the care that mom receives the 9 months before and few months after as well.

Wednesday and Thursday were pre-conference days. I opted, after great struggle, to attend the basic midwifery skills classes. Most of which were taught by Anne Frye and Liz Davis. Those of you that share my passion will know how great that really is. Anne is soooo full of wonderful wisdom. She is so to the point and ready to share her strong views. Not to mention her volumes of Holistic midwifery text is nothing short of the midwife's bible. And I don't mean that lightly. I learned and relearned new things as well as new approaches to and reasons for things I already knew. A whole new expansion on the uncertainty of ultrasound technology, and how much you can really learn about a baby by methods of age old care. The art of palpation and the use of a fetoscope.
And not of least importance by far, intuition, communication, both with mom and baby, and simple presence. Goes to remind me of one of the great things of this work, the way I want to do this work, the only way I believe is right, with continuity of care. You have to build a relationship with each woman, each baby, and grow that relationship with trust and comfort in order to expect a good outcome with your presence as a midwife in the birth space.

OK, I could go on forever, as I have and will. I have also been eyeing Elizabeth's "Hearts and Hands" midwifery guide for a few years now, and just haven't bought it. So when she had a few copies there of her latest edition, which kept coming up in their conversation, I decided to buy it right from her. And guess what? She signed if for me right there. Yes, with my name as who to and all. I felt like a teen age girl at a stupid Jonah's Brothers concert or some shit. I'm such a pathetic geek sometimes. Oh well.

Saturday. By the times Saturday came around, the flu that began earlier in the week had hit me really hard. I called in work, thought I had to stay home and sleep. i couldn't sleep so headed back up. I listened and participated intently to Ina May Gaskin and Michel Odent as they discussed twin birth. The differences in twins, when it is not safe to deliver at home, as well as how to handle the chance of difficulty at home. They do such a good job of reminding everyone that in a healthy normal twin pregnancy, there is so very little difference. A good deal of info about the negative affect that additional people in attendance really had on birth, especially twins. Michel pointed out how people, even midwives are too quick to interfere after the first baby is born, causing mom to snap back out of labor land before that next needed spike of oxytocin happens to facilitate the birth of baby two. He really had good points. Very sobering.

Ina May and Gloria had a great general session on the importance of midwives and women reclaiming the homebirth and normal birth of VBACs, Breech and Twins. We need to do something about the damaging, unnecessary surgery rate of c/s for these births. Twins and breech are variations of normal. It requires training, as well as an attentive eye, but there is no reason that that alone should be an instant section.

Gail Hart is an Oregon midwife, she covered slow labors. She is sooo great, and so entertaining. She brings such a real life approach to birth. "We don't know how long sex will take, never can tell, why should we know how long it will take to get the baby out." HA! so real, just love her. She led the birth stories evening I sat in on as well, her stories are so great to hear. As are everyone else's. Listening to the stories of birth from the attendants pov is so different. I just loved it all.

Finals

Yes. It is that time. And what has happened here? I have the flu. BAD. I still have no idea how I did on my last Chem exam as I was not in class the last day. I was instead learning from some of the greatest at the Midwifery Today conference. But that is another post.

So tomorrow is my Chem final, and I havnt even read the last chapter on Acids and Bases. Maybe my certainty in the material on molarity, hydrocarbons and ionic and covalent molecular bonds will pull me through. Yeah, feeling like this I dont know if I will be able to fill in the bubbles for my ID number on the scan tron sheet. But what can you do.

Then I will still have to schedual my Business and Med Terminology finals for later in the week. I dont know if Im going to pull off a decent grade in business. I really hate that class and I'm really glad its almost over. I never did turn in my article review. opps!
Next term I am taking Human nutrition. Hmm, that will be useful for sure and I'm afraid a huge wake up call to me too. I know this stuff, I just am not so good at practicing what I preach.

Counting Down...

Seems that is my story right now! Everything is a countdown. Lets start with the Midwifery today conference. My first class of the pre-conference will begin in 35 hours. That is less than two days. I have not packed, figured out what to take or wear or anything. I am sooo excited!! And to say that I am going with the true mind of a student of midwifery. WOW. I may actually get to use the knowledge I am so carefully and slowly and insanely trying to gather.

That brings us to #2. It is now 31 days until I can write that initial check and put the paperwork in the mail for AAMI. WOW. Oh, wait, I already said that! I am still scared but have calmed down now. I am actually begining to embrace this opportunity. The confidence will come with time and feedback Im sure. Funny how much feedback in our lives honestly effects us and our decisions and successes. hmm, topic for another time.
I have been going over the book list for the AMS program. Yeah, that is scarey in itself. I have to remind myself that I really do have over 3 years. Over 3 years. I was actually surprised how many of those books I already had on my wish list. Titles I thought could be very helpful in self study until I could begin the program a couple more years down the road. Maybe I really am on the right track.

#3-The end of winter term at Umpqua Community College. I took my 3rd Chem exam today. I wan't real pleased with how I completly drew a blank on the subject of Saturated and Unsaturated Hydrocarbons. I think I did well with the namings, and better than expected on molarity. I know this means nothing to anyone else, but that is the point in me writing so that is was others get. Now there are officially 11 days to the end of the term. I will miss my last Chem class for the conference, but I think I will be able to pull it together for the final next Monday. I will take the other two finals Thursday. Leaving then 11 days to the begining of Spring term. I still need to find one more class to fill credits for spring. Everyhting that I am after is not offered and I have to wait to begin the sequences until summer or fall.

#4-Mom is coming home. I cant really put a count down on it, but it will be soon. I miss my mom and baby sister. Although 16.5 yo is no longer a baby. I am sad that it has to be illness and such in the family that brings us back together, but sometimes that is just how it happens. So we the kids and I are all really excited for her to get back here.

Could add to the list for ever I guess, like waiting for the birth of a new neice or nephew in Aug. or my cousin getting to experience motherhood, after years of being uncertain, finally it will happen in November. So many things to look forward to. That is good for me as I am now thinking in terms of looking forward, rather than worry. That is a really good thing!

A little of me-and a little of right now.

So here I am. Thought I'd give this blog thing a try!
I will try to get something into my about me section on here, but I havn't figured out yet on how to use this.
My name is Lisa. I am a divorced mother of 3 kids. Zack is almost 13, Drake is 7 and my little girl Selina is 5. I have been divorced over a year and a half now, and sometimes it feels like just yesterday, other times it feels like forever.

I have had a dream that slowly built and changed for more than 3 years. I knew several years before that, that I wanted an involvment in pregnancy and birth. Thought I would go a techy route way back then, I had no idea about the world of homebirth. It scared me to think about it although I have always had a passion for what I viewed as natural birth. Always had a bit of a hippie inside of me too, but thats another day.

So I began to read, research and learn. I had a dream of midwifery that seemed impossible. I went through DONA's training to become a doula 3 years ago this spring. Wow. I thought it would be a good stepping stone. I was wrong in a way. Doula work is great work, but it isn't me, not deep down. I chose to not pursue certification with the organization as to leave some freedom of choice in my care. I have still felt that I am not quite confident enough in myself to follow through and actually chase that dream for a good solid, hands on education in midwifery. Never letting go of the thought, chasing every bit of it. And as I have done so my ideas and thoughts and deep feelings on birth have continued to evolve and warp into the direction of peace=beauty , privacy=saftey and hands off means so much more.

Taking us to now. 4 Days ago Carla of AAMI posted her quarterly drawing entry quiz. I was spending a few minutes to myself going through email. This one interested me as it was on multiple pregnancies. So I did some googling, read and learned more than needed to reply, and sent my entry. I didnt think about it for a minute after. Until reading emails after work yesterday. There is was. I just happened to be curious as to what types of prizes she was offering, thinking I may enter again next time. I get to the bottom of the list and there....My name. What! How did that get in there, I thought there was alot more time between that posting of the quiz and the results of the draw. Nope, it was there. My name. $777 off Advance Midwifery Studies. Wow.
I hop on the phone to call my mommy. I must have sounded insane. I decide I had better email Carla and make sure it is real, tell her my thoughts and go from there. She wrote back like iwthin the hour. Said that if I was going to put so much down, I would get the 20% off as well for payment in full discount. OMG. So i bug the ones closest to me. Mom trys to reassure me that I am really smart and strong enough. I get my friend Jeannies thoughts and her drama comes out all the way. And then my man. I expected a little different, a little more cautious thoughts on his part, but it wasnt what I got. He thinks it is ment to be. What else do I do..... Run to Mothering to post. What a great outpour of support from those girls. That is what made me decide I need a blog. My posts are always the length of a book, so this seems best.

Today I replied to Carla's offer. I will be filling out the application and have my paperwork and payment in to her by April 15. I will be a student of midwifery studies. And a student of AAMI.